Have You Lost Your Voice?

 I recently heard a story of a young woman who hid her identity just to fit in. My first thought was, ‘wow, I can relate.’ She went to an Ivy League school for their engineering program but, people doubted her intelligence because she was of a different culture. They didn’t think she belonged at this school and pretty soon their words sunk in and she began to believe them. She dropped out of that school and went to another where she wasn’t the minority. She lost herself. She lost her voice because of what others thought of her.

Growing up in Hawaii I never felt like a minority or the need to hide who I was to fit in. It wasn’t until we moved from Hawaii to another state where I had my first encounter with someone who made me feel beneath them. I worked at a preschool and would often open the main door for parents and kids. One day a father came to pick up his child and when I opened the door, I said ‘hello.’ He looked past me and did not say one word, just kept walking. Another parent came in and the same thing happened. I began to feel out of place and ashamed because my skin was darker than theirs, (I miss my Hawaii tan BTW!), and I thought that they couldn’t understand me, (I was also told that I have a funny accent). I remember taking the kids on a field trip and attempting to talk to a parent. He stood right next to me and said nothing. His wife stood on the other side of him and mean mugged me the whole time. I felt so sick in my stomach that I decided from then on I wasn’t going to talk to anyone unless they struck up a conversation with me first. A grandmother came into the school one day and she asked me where I was from. When I told her Hawaii her reply to me was, ‘oh that’s what you are.’ I was at a loss for words. I wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but then again, I didn’t want to say anything.

I could go on about other encounters, but I won’t. They still sting whenever I think about it. Something God and I are working on! :) 

I lost my identity and I hid my culture. I hid who God created me to be. Even to this day I sometimes tell my husband that I’ve lost my Hawaiiness. I’ve had to change the way I speak just so others can understand me. I sometimes get lost in translation because I grew up in a home where English, Filipino, Hawaiian, and other nationalities were spoken. So if we’re having a conversation and I seem lost, chances are I am translating what I want to say in English. 

I’ve been watching videos from Jo Saxton on RightNow Media and re-reading her book, ‘The Dream of You.’ I highly recommend this book! One of the questions she asks is, ‘What’s been my dream that has gotten taken away?’ I can list a number of dreams I’ve had growing up, but never wanted to take that risk. I was safe in my corner. But I know that’s not where God has called me to remain. He has given me gifts that I want to use for His glory, but when I feel like I’m ready to step out and raise my voice, I crawl back into the safety of my box. 

Jo spoke of Esther and that she hid her identity to fit in. She was to be the queen who would change her destiny, but she lost her voice. With the help of her cousin Mordecai, he challenged her to use her voice. He was her mentor. 

I remember the story of Hagar in the Bible. She was put in a situation that left her broken and alone. 

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13 NIV) 

The Dream of You is God’s vision of you - your real, true identity and your God-given purpose. ~ Jo Saxton

Have you lost your voice because the identities that defined you? What’s been your dream that has gotten taken away? What will it take for you to break up with perfectionism and say goodbye?

God wants us to find our voice. Surround yourself with those who can help you and most of all, redeem your true identity. My identity is in Christ Jesus! He is the God who sees me. 

Blessings!